My Departure from Feminism (I)

Part I of II.

For the last three years, I have been contemplating how modern American culture is influencing our concept of womanhood and how I feel about it.

When I was studying feminist theory in college, I didn’t second-guess how feminism would personally influence my life. I nodded my head in agreement when academia told me that feminism was a good thing. It never occurred to me that feminism would actually make my life harder.

Up until I met my now-husband, I found myself immersed in a culture that told me that being a wife and mother were worthwhile hobbies but certainly not vocations. Even though most of the women in my family stayed at home with their children, I was part of a brave new generation of women that mirrored the male path to success: college, grad school, marriage, Important Career, motherhood, Important Career.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that marriage and motherhood were far more appealing to me than the Important Career I found myself in pursuit of. I felt embarrassed that my most immediate desire was to make a house a home; I put just as much thought into my weekly recipes as I did into my law school applications. Before I met my now-husband, I dated a man that had a modern vision of what wifehood and motherhood looked like. As we moved closer and closer to marriage, we fundamentally disagreed on my inherent traditionalism.

It’s funny how my feminist ideals went out the window when I started to think realistically how balancing an Important Career would dovetail with my deepest desires—being a wife, homemaker and mother.

My partner of four years and I ended our engagement and I realized that I needed to be very up-front about my values before embarking on another relationship. It just seemed unrealistic to me that any job I maintained outside the home could compare in importance to the job I had to do at home. I felt like I was walking an uphill — if not impossible — battle as I realized that my core value system would be perceived as outdated and even opportunistic. Somehow traditional motherhood has become synonymous with “gold-digging.” I reject this. And I reject the practical tenets of feminism.

To continue reading, please refer to "My Departure from Feminism, (II)."